Author: Austin Blood

Articles

Why Men Prefer Older Women


I assume most folks are familiar with the term, MILF. If not, I think Wikipedia says it best…“A common colloquial term generally regarded as vulgar, yet denoting a sexually attractive older female; generally between thirty and fifty years of age.”

Despite its off-color beginnings and the words that comprise the acronym itself, the general consensus is the term MILF has evolved beyond its literal meaning and into a complimentary way of acknowledging the sensuality of a woman in her thirties and beyond. Thanks to television shows like Cougartown and The Real Housewives series, the term has permeated the lexicon of pop culture and helped shape the stereotypes of the beautiful state I call home. That said, one stereotype that definitely holds true is that California is a mecca for beautiful women. Fortunately for me, one such woman is my good friend, Lauren. One of the best things about Lauren is that she’s a forty-year-old mother of three. I’ve long contended a great many women grow more attractive as they age.

Both inside and out.

Several weeks ago, Lauren and I went to a popular restaurant in Los Angeles. It was Ladies Night and the place was overflowing with feminine physical perfection; eighty percent of it under the age of twenty-five. Forget about the standard double take, these young women were dressed-to-kill triple takes who make Kim Kardashian look like the north end of a southbound mule. Unfortunately, as Lauren and I quickly learned after some conversation with several of them at the bar, most of these ladies also matched Miss Kardashian in the intelligence department. The sheer amount of mind-numbing drivel pouring of their mouths was enough to make me want to stick a hot poker in my eye. Present company excluded, I’d be surprised if the combined intelligence quotient of those assembled could power a sixty watt bulb. Yet none of this mattered to the throngs of middle-age men who descended on these young women like packs of ravenous wolves.

Picture this scenario: Balding, middle-aged guys jockeying for the attention of young twenty-somethings, all the while ignoring the older, albeit no less beautiful women assembled at the bar just a few feet away. The scene reminded me of a beehive with all the activity focused on a few queens to the exclusion of everything else. I couldn’t help but chuckle as I observed this half-baked courting ritual in full effect. These guys clearly had their heads up their asses. It was all I could do to stop myself from pulling them aside to say,

“What the hell is wrong with you guys? The crown jewels in this joint are the mature women, my friends…not some barely legal half-wit who thinks the SAT test is something performed on a chair. Now get your asses over here and let’s talk to some real women….”

There’s something about a woman over the age of thirty that sets every fiber of my being ablaze with desire. Like a fine wine, I believe many women only get better with time. As a man who’s had the great privilege to love, appreciate, and adore a variety of women in my lifetime, I can tell you with absolute certainty that an older woman can stimulate both my loins and intellect in ways no college coed could ever dream. Who gives a shit about a few extra stretch marks or breasts that aren’t as perky as they once were? What these women supposedly “lack” according to the standards of our vain and youth-obsessed culture, they more than make up for in confidence, intellect and experience.

This is by no means an affront to the younger generation of women. They are after all, the feminine finery of the future. But most younger women haven’t yet had the opportunity to absorb the wisdom and knowledge learned primarily through years spent in the trenches of life. And it is this experience, my friend, why older women kick ass over their younger counterparts in almost every way imaginable.

It’s her complete and total lack of sexual inhibition as I work her over into a sweaty mess of tangled limbs and tousled hair. It goes without saying that a young, hot body is nice, but it pales in comparison to the self-assured sensuality and confidence of a woman in her sexual prime.

And let’s not forget the depth of her intellect that can stimulate me for hours on end. This is without question the most important factor in my own personal law of attraction. Personally, I’d rather be punched in the testicles than endure even sixty seconds of the mindless yammering typical of the average twenty-something. Unlike the middle-aged cock jockeys in the story above, I can’t fathom for even a moment why some men my age find ditzy younger women so appealing given the alternative. It’s a quintessential example of style over substance. Count me out of your mind-numbing sausage fest, Gentlemen. I’ll take brains before beauty ten times out of ten.

All in all, a mature woman’s quiet self-assurance in who she has become is the ultimate aphrodisiac. Like the cliffs that grace a rocky shoreline, many a woman’s life is shaped by the gale force winds of marriage, children, heartache and loss. Somewhere in the stormy chaos of a life built around serving others, many of these women sadly lose themselves. Fortunately for men like myself, they also find themselves again. The return path they blaze refines and shapes them like a master craftsman honing his finest art. What emerges on the other end is often another woman entirely. A stronger, wiser and deeper woman; borne of the trials and tribulations of modern life.

And that’s something no younger woman can ever hope to rival.

Austin

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Why You Can’t Get Your Man’s Attention


The evening hours.

It’s the most blissful and harmonious time of your day. The time when your significant other breezes through the door after a long day of work. Today, like every day, he greets you with a smile and a kiss. Also like every day, he’s positively beaming. Grinning from ear to ear, in fact. That’s because your home is a scene of domestic perfection and tranquility.

Like it always is.

Tonight he catches you in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on your famously fabulous lobster bisque. The children are quiet as church mice and sitting at the counter finishing their homework. You’re so glad he’s home and he feels the same. This is his favorite time of the day too. For the sole reason that he can’t wait to hear all about your day. Nothing lifts his spirits quite like a blow-by-blow account of your activities since sunrise.

‘God, I love this man’, you think to yourself.

Taking his seat at the dinner table, he listens intently without interrupting while you regale him with the latest and greatest in your world. This is one of the things you love most about your guy. He’s an exceptional listener. He doesn’t try to fix the problem or offer too many suggestions. He just listens. And no topic is off-limits as far as he’s concerned. He’s happy as a clam to hear about the latest drama with your gaggle of girlfriends as he is to hear about the kids.

How lucky are you?

After dinner, he takes out the trash, helps clean the kitchen and then spends the next hour or so hanging out with the kids before making sure he gets them in bed on time. At no point during the evening does he turn on the television, belch out his backside or disappear into his man cave. In fact, he deplores the very idea of a man cave and has continually resisted efforts by his buddies to build one for himself. He says he doesn’t feel the need to escape. He’s smart enough to know spending time with you and the family is what really rejuvenates his spirit.

So no man cave required.

As bedtime approaches and your guy heads upstairs to fold his own laundry and draw you a bath, you suddenly hear the sound of music floating in dreamily from far far away. It starts softly at first and then gets progressively louder as it drifts ever closer to your ears. In a flash, you realize it’s one of your favorite songs of all time. A rhythmic powerhouse from back in the day and a lyrical tribute to the finest man you’ve ever known. The man who at this very moment is upstairs sprinkling lavender-scented bath beads into your brand-new whirlpool bathtub. The words of the song sum up exactly how you feel about your guy each and every waking moment of the day….

♪Whatta man,
♪Whatta man,
♪Whatta man,
♪Whatta mighty good man!

With the lyrical brilliance of Salt-N-Pepa still ringing in your head, you suddenly realize the music is coming from your car radio.

Which means you’re sitting in your car. In bumper-to-bumper traffic. Fighting your way home after a long day of work.

Ugh.

With a heavy sigh, you realize you’ve just been daydreaming for the better part of half an hour.

Of course this was all too good to be true, right?

Of course it was.

Nauseatingly sweet scenes of domestic bliss like this don’t exist anymore – if they ever existed at all. For most of us, our reality is the exact opposite of the picture I just painted.

At the end of the day, chaos usually reigns supreme.

When I was married, I remember coming home after a long day of work to the same old scene time and time again….the interior of my beautiful home laid-to-waste courtesy of my genetic replicas. Despite having just arrived home themselves, my kids could create scenes of devastation on par with Hurricane Katrina in sixty seconds flat.

Walking through the front door, my tired eyes witnessed a swath of destruction that surely must have contained every toy, book and crayon color known to man. And as if that weren’t enough, I could always count on my delicate eardrums being mercilessly assaulted with the combined cacophony of pots and pans set to a backdrop of The Wiggles theme song. Yet somehow, the amazing female brave enough to take my last name took it all in stride while her husband damn near had a meltdown of nuclear proportions.

Because of scenes like this one, my desire for escape at the end of the day was stronger than that of a death-row inmate incarcerated on Alcatraz. Like a lot of guys, the evening hours often found me locked behind the doors of my home office praying to The Fates that my family would leave me alone for some much-needed downtime.

Much to dismay of women all across the land, this is typical guy behavior. Men come home at the end of the day wanting nothing more than to check out and be left alone. Yet in an ironic twist of fate, women want the exact opposite. Women need to talk.

Even if they’ve been talking all day.

This isn’t to say women don’t need their alone time too, but as a general rule women have a much greater need to emotionally connect at the end of the day than men do. Most guys I know, myself included, have little such desire. In fact, the average guy is borderline moronic when he walks in the door:

Her: “Hi Honey, how was your day?”

Him: “Fine.”

Her: “There’s pizza for dinner and I need to talk to you about a few things before I go to the gym.”

Him: “Ok.”

Her: “Also, we also really need to finalize our plans for this weekend too.”

Him: “Uh huh”

(Long pause)

Her: “Are you even listening to me?”

Him: “Huh?”

************************

Sound familiar?

If you’re a woman, the overwhelming need to deliver your own personal State of the Union address the second your guy walks in the door is totally understandable. And fully expected. After all, life is a constant flurry of activity from the moment we roll out of the wrong side of the bed in the morning, so it’s important we huddle up on a regular basis to make sure we’re all on the same page.

The evening hours are the perfect time to do just that.

Unfortunately, the problem with blasting your man the second he walks through the door is he’s already commenced his system shutdown routine. If he was a laptop computer, his screen would be gray and preparing itself for sleep mode. At this point in his day, he wants nothing more than to plant his backside on his favorite piece of furniture and jerk off the television remote to his favorite sports channel. Nobody knows this better than you do. And it’s frustrating to no end, isn’t it?

So how do we handle the fact that men need to shut down while women need to boot up?

Well, if you’re a woman, the first thing to understand is that your man’s withdrawal doesn’t have anything to do with you. This is a critical point. Many women think that when their man wants to be left alone that he’s somehow mad or irritated with them. If you’re a woman who feels this way, I can’t say that I blame you. When men don’t want to be messed with, we definitely do give off a certain vibe.

Now…could he be ticked off at you?

Sure.

But more often than not, he isn’t and all is well. Acting like an antisocial imbecile is just how he deals with stress and recharges his batteries.

As I mentioned earlier, when I used to come home at the end of the day, I wanted nothing more than to disappear into my home office for some peace and solitude. This used to annoy my wife to no end because she didn’t understand what I’m sharing with you now and automatically assumed I was bent at her for one reason or another. Again, not that I could blame her since my communication skills during the twilight hours amounted to little more than a series of unintelligible snorts and grunts. But the truth is I wasn’t irritated at all. In fact, I’d had a great day. I just needed to shut it down for a bit before getting on with the evening routine.

So if you’re a woman, as difficult as it may be, try not to take your man’s social ineptitude personally. Once you understand it’s just his way of decompressing as opposed to something you’ve done, you’ll be less apt to allow his monosyllabic grunts and gestures to get under your skin.

Austin’s Word to the Wise

There isn’t an easy fix for this one because our needs are almost polar opposites. So if women like to yap and men like to nap, how do we bridge the gap? (Take THAT, Dr. Seuss!) Well, we do what we always do when the relationship is important to us yet we don’t see eye-to-eye on a particular issue…..

We compromise.

For women, this means understanding that some solitude is what your man needs and not holding it against him. It means allowing him a decompression period and NOT blasting him the second he walks in the door. If he gets some downtime to clear his head and rejuvenate his spirit, he’ll be a much happier camper and YOU will be the direct beneficiary of your understanding and generosity.

For guys, compromise in this case means recognizing that a critical part of a woman’s satisfaction in her relationship with you is feeling like she’s heard. So even if it’s the last thing you’d rather do, you absolutely MUST give her some time. It doesn’t always have to be a lot, but quality in this case goes a long way. Even ten or fifteen minutes of uninterrupted quality time can make a world of difference. Please don’t do what I did in the latter stages of my marriage and disappear for the entire evening, every evening. If you do, your relationship will hit the skids faster than you can say Hell Hath No Fury…

Fellas, spending quality time together is a critical part of a woman’s love language and the importance of acknowledging and validating what’s on her mind cannot be overstated. If a woman doesn’t feel like she’s being heard or understood, the rejection she feels will ultimately breed a resentment that can shred the very fabric of your union. So do the right thing, Gents. As someone wise once said, we always have time for the things we put first.

Ask Austin

How To Heal Your Broken Heart


Hey Austin – Got any advice on how to let go of a relationship? The love of my life and I broke up about nine months ago and I feel stuck. I can’t seem to move on with my life. I spend much of my time living in the past, wondering what I could’ve done differently and accepting the fact that I might always be alone. And if I do find someone else, I will just be settling because there is no comparison to him. To top it off, he has completely moved on and is engaged now. It feels like a dagger in my my heart. Why is it so difficult for me to move on without him? – Jessica

Thanks for the note, Jessica. And I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. Few things in life can take us down quite like having our heart ripped out of our chest by someone who was supposed to love us forever. It feels like a bomb has gone off in your life and obliterated any sense of peace or happiness you once had. There are days you can barely breathe and sometimes the weight of the darkness pressing down is more than you can bear. I think we’ve all been there…right?

I know I have.

Jessica, the first thing to understand here is that what you’re going through is far more than just emotional trauma. It’s also physiological. There are chemical processes taking place in your body that are making it difficult for you detach from this man. When you’re in love, your body secretes high levels of oxytocin, serotonin and dopamine, all of which are hormones that bond you with the man who curls your toes and rocks your world. When that love is taken away, your body responds in the exact same way an addict’s body does when you take away their booze or drugs….

It FREAKS out!

Few people know this, but recovering from a break-up is like kicking an addiction to a drug. In fact, a recent study conducted at Rutgers University found that when broken-hearted test subjects were shown a picture of their ex, the parts of their brain that lit up were the same parts associated with cocaine and nicotine addiction.

As if that weren’t enough, the area of the brain that processes romantic love lies right next to the area that orchestrates hunger and thirst. So romantic love, like hunger and thirst, is an innate biological need. We NEED it. It’s one of things that drives us to mate. Without this drive, our species wouldn’t survive. So when we lose that love, it’s devastating not only from an emotional perspective, but from an evolutionary one as well. Our brain thinks we are missing out on life’s greatest biological prize…a mating partner.

That’s why you feel so devastated.

Now I’m not comparing you to a meth head, but it is important to understand that what you’re experiencing is a CHEMICAL reaction to your loss. It’s real, it’s raw, and it fu**ing HURTS…right? So….you’re NOT crazy and you’re NOT losing your mind. Even if it feels like you are.

So how do you regain your sanity?

Well, the first thing you MUST do is treat this loss as you would any addiction. And how do you treat an addiction? You first cut off the supply. This means you absolutely MUST cut all ties with this man if you haven’t already.

AND I DO MEAN ALL TIES!

I’m talking complete radio silence. Now I know this is easier said than done, but the FASTEST way for you to get over this man is to cut him out of your life entirely. Again, remember that you’re chemically addicted to him. This is scientific fact, not conjecture. If you were trying to kick a cocaine habit, you wouldn’t hang out with someone who candies up their nose with the finest booger sugar, would you? Of course not. You would steer clear of any temptation that could lead you to using again. Same thing if you’re an alcoholic. You might THINK it’s ok to have that one weekend cocktail, but the next thing you know, one drink has turned into ten and before you know it you’re off the wagon and face down in the dirt.

I think you get my point.

The bottom line is that this dude is your poison and must be removed from your life at all costs. So put as much distance between Mr. Morphine and yourself as possible. The relationship is over. It ended for a reason and nothing good is coming from you holding on. Trying to figure out what went wrong or what you could have done differently is just going to drive you batshit crazy.

Right now it doesn’t matter.

The only things that matters NOW is your peace of mind. There will be plenty of time for self reflection later. I can’t emphasize enough how critical it is that you cut the cord completely and walk away with your head held high.

And when I say COMPLETELY, I mean it!

That means no social media…no texting…no phone calls…and ESPECIALLY no booty calls!!

If you do this, you can take solace in knowing that your wounds WILL heal sooner than later. In fact, the notion that time heals a broken heart is born out by the research study I mentioned earlier. The researchers found that after the break-up, the more time that passes by without contact, the less activity there is in the brain region associated with both attachment and addiction. So the lesson here is that you need to cut the cord for your own sanity as well as for your own well-being.

And believe me, it WILL free your soul.

Jessica, it’s important to realize that getting over a heartbreak takes time. So it’s ok to cry and mourn the loss. But don’t dwell in that negative space for too long. Yes, you’re grieving. Yes, you’re miserable. And yes, you’re barely surviving but YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS! So put one foot in front of the other and know that every step forward propels you further down the healing road.

Also, if you haven’t gotten the closure you need, now is the time to speak up. Sometimes you can’t get over the hurt until you know you’ve been heard. So give yourself permission to express your feelings to him. It doesn’t matter how you do it. A well-written email or letter is always good because it gives you time to collect and compose your thoughts.

Another option is to vent all your frustrations IN PERSON and get them off your chest.  There’s nothing worse than regret, so say what you need to say and then wash your hands of it.

Above all, remember that it’s not how you communicate it that’s important, what matters is cleansing yourself of the toxic energy that’s eating you up inside. And don’t be surprised if he doesn’t respond to your letter or email. In fact, it’s better if he doesn’t. And if you unload on him in person, don’t be shocked if he has a smirk on his face or tells you you’re crazy. That’s just his way of saving face. His response (or lack of one) doesn’t matter anyways…you’ve said your piece and that was your intention all along.

Lastly, I want you to take back control of your life by making it all about YOU. Don’t let a bad experience keep you down or prevent you from believing in love. NOW is the time to rediscover the things that bring you joy. Go dancing! Read erotica books! Take some girlfriends to Vegas for a weekend of unholy debauchery! Whatever floats your boat. It’s time to fall in love with yourself all over again and become comfortable just being YOU…without a man by your side. Believe me, learning to make yourself a priority is the best investment you’ll ever make.

Jessica, you can either go through life angry or jaded or you can live a life full of love and laughter. I would much rather see you do the latter. Laughing and loving is the only way to go.

All the best to you, my friend.