How To Heal Your Broken Heart 💔

Hi Austin - Got any advice on how to let go of a relationship? My fiancee dumped me six months ago and I can’t seem to move on. I spend much of my time wondering what I did or could have done differently. To make matters worse, I just saw on Facebook that he’s now engaged. It’s like a dagger in my heart. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated…

Jessica K.

Thanks for the note, Jessica. I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. Few things in life can take us down like having our heart ripped out of our chest by someone we hoped would love us forever.

Believe me, I know how you feel.

It feels like a bomb has gone off in your life and obliterated any sense of peace or happiness you once had. There are days you can barely breathe and sometimes the weight of the darkness pressing down is more than you can bear.

I think we’ve all been there, right?

Jessica, the first thing to understand is that what you’re going through is far more than just emotional trauma. It’s also physiological. There are chemical processes taking place in your body that are making it difficult for you detach from this man.

When we’re in love, our body secretes high levels of oxytocin, serotonin and dopamine, all of which are hormones that bond you with the man who curls your toes and rocks your world.

When that love is taken away, your body responds the same way an addict’s body does when you take away their booze or drugs.

In other words, it FREAKS out.

Few people realize that going through a break-up is like detoxing from an addiction. In fact, a recent study conducted at Rutgers University found that when broken-hearted test subjects were shown a picture of their ex, the parts of their brain that lit up were the same parts associated with cocaine and nicotine addiction.

This tells us we can be addicted to people just like we can drugs or alcohol.

As if that weren’t enough, the area of the brain that processes romantic love lies right next to the area that orchestrates hunger and thirst. So romantic love, like hunger and thirst, is an innate biological NEED.

Yes, we NEED it.

It’s one of things that drives us to mate. Without this drive, our species wouldn’t survive. So when we lose that love, it’s devastating not only from an emotional perspective, but from an evolutionary one as well. Our brain thinks we are missing out on life’s greatest biological prize… a mating partner.

THAT is why you feel so devastated.

Now, I’m not comparing you to a meth head, but it is important to understand that what you’re experiencing is a CHEMICAL reaction to your loss.

It's not just emotional, it's PHYSICAL.

An image of neural pathways, the subthalamic nucleus, and the ventral tegmental area, all of which are switched on during addiction-related behaviors.

So how do you regain your sanity?

Well, the first thing you MUST do is treat this loss as you would any addiction. And how do you treat an addiction? You first cut off the supply. This means you absolutely MUST cut all ties with this man if you haven’t already.

AND I DO MEAN ALL TIES!

I’m talking complete radio silence.

Now, I know this is easier said than done, but the FASTEST way for you to get over this man is to cut him out of your life entirely. Again, remember that you're chemically addicted to him. This is scientific fact, not conjecture.

Look at it this way…

If you were trying to kick a cocaine habit, you wouldn’t hang out with someone who candies up their nose with the finest booger sugar, would you?

Of course not.

You would steer clear of any temptation that could lead you to using again. Same thing if you’re an alcoholic. You might THINK it’s ok to have that one weekend cocktail, but the next thing you know, one drink has turned into ten and before you know it you’re off the wagon and face down in the dirt.

I think you get my point.

The bottom line is your ex is your poison and must be removed from your life at all costs.

So put as much distance between Mr. Morphine and yourself as possible. The relationship is over. It ended for a reason and nothing good is coming from you holding on. Trying to figure out what went wrong or what you could have done differently is just going to drive you batshit crazy.

Right now it doesn't matter.

The only things that matters NOW is your peace of mind.

And again, I can’t emphasize enough how critical it is that you cut the cord completely and walk away with your head held high.

And when I say COMPLETELY, I mean it!

That means,

No texting.

No talking.

No social media stalking.

No phone calls.

And especially…

NO BOOTY CALLS!

Heed my words and you can take solace in knowing that your wounds WILL heal sooner than later.

In fact, the notion that time heals a broken heart is born out by the research study I mentioned earlier.

Researchers found the more time that passed without contact in the wake of the break-up, the less activity in the brain regions associated with attachment and addiction.

The lesson here is that you need to cut the cord for your long-term well-being as well as your immediate sanity.

Trust me, doing so WILL free your soul.

In conclusion, Jessica, it’s important to realize that getting over a heartbreak takes time.

So it’s ok to cry and mourn the loss. But don’t dwell in that negative space for too long.

Yes, you’re grieving.

Yes, you’re miserable.

Yes, you’re barely surviving but you WILL get through this.

I promise.

So put one foot in front of the other and know that every step forward propels you further down the healing road.

Also, if you haven’t gotten the closure you need, NOW is the time to speak up.

Sometimes you can’t get over the hurt until you’ve said your piece. So give yourself permission to express your feelings to him.

It doesn’t matter how you do it.

I always recommend a thoughtfully composed email or letter because it gives you time to collect and articulate your thoughts exactly the way you want.

There’s nothing worse than regret, so say what you need to say and then wash your hands of it.

And don’t be surprised if he doesn’t respond.

In fact, it’s better if he doesn’t.

Lastly, take back control of your life by making it all about YOU.

Don’t let a bad experience keep you down or prevent you from believing in love.

NOW is the time to rediscover the things that bring you joy.

Go dancing!

Read erotica books!

Take a girl’s trip to Vegas for a few days of bad choices, loose morals, and unholy debauchery…

… whatever floats your boat.

The bottom line is it's time to fall in love with yourself all over again.

WITHOUT a man by your side.

Trust me, making yourself a priority is the best investment you will ever make.

Jessica, you can either go through life angry and hurt or you can live full of love and laughter.

Love and laughter is the only way to go.

You got this, girl! 😋

Your friend,