Ask Austin

Help! My Husband Is Having An Affair!

My husband has been having an affair with one of our neighbors for over a year. I pretended it was my imagination and thought I was just being paranoid. But my suspicions were right and I have proof. My question to you is should I confront the other woman and should I tell her husband? -Yvette


I’m amazed you took the time to write. Most women I know would first slash the other woman’s tires, shit in her husband’s sock drawer, and then send me an email.

I’m seriously impressed.

To answer the first part of your question, there’s no question I think you should tell the other woman you know she’s having an affair with your husband. Before you do it though, think long and hard about what you want to say beforehand.

Hell, I’d probably even write it down and rehearse it.

The ancient Greeks had a saying, “He whom the Gods wish to destroy, they first make angry.”

This is a nice way of saying we all lose our heads when get overly emotional. And when we don’t control our emotions, we lose. Knowing what you want to say beforehand makes it much easier to keep your cool. I would probably confront her at her house or workplace to take advantage of the element of surprise. When you catch someone off guard, it’s much easier to control the situation.

As for the second part of your question, it’s really your call. It just depends on how strongly you feel the other woman’s husband needs to know.

My personal opinion is that you should NOT tell the other woman’s husband about the affair.

At the end of the day, not a lot of good will come of it other than your own satisfaction. This is particularly true if children are involved. While it might feel good to ruin the life of the woman who sucked your husband like a Hoover vacuum, it can complicate your life even more in the long-run. One of the basic laws of the universe is what goes around, comes around, so let karma handle this one for you.

Payback can be a bitch.

Now if you DO choose to go this route, I would make a point of letting the other woman  know you’ve made the decision NOT to tell her husband. Showing goodwill to someone you’d just as rather bash with a pipe gives you a lot of leverage and power should you ever need it.

Lastly, if you do ultimately decide her husband should know about the affair, make sure you tell the other woman SHE needs to tell him, or you will. Now it becomes her problem…not yours.

Best of luck to you,