Ask Austin

Once A Cheater Always A Cheater?

Hi Austin. I have a question. My husband cheated on me and it only lasted 4 months. He said it was only sex and he never loved her. I want to believe when he tells me it was a mistake and it will never happen again. Can I trust him again? What do you think? – Tanya


The reality is once a partner cheats, there’s a higher-than-average probability they’ll do it again. Especially if that partner packs a penis. Without knowing the specifics of your situation, I obviously can’t say for certain, but the old adage; “Once a cheater always a cheater” holds true in many cases.

Now does that mean your man is definitely going to cheat on you again? Absolutely not! There are plenty of examples of infidelity devastating a relationship and then the couple is able to move beyond the hurt and betrayal to form a stronger and more permanent loving bond. However, that’s the exception rather than the rule.

Unfortunately, there’s so much crap and misinformation out there right now about infidelity. You don’t have to look far to find some half-baked talking head or television show spewing senseless garbage about dealing with a cheating spouse. Just the other day, I was reading an article from a prominent therapist in which he was counseling women on the ways they could get their men not to cheat on them. What a pile of cow dung! It pisses me off when I hear this kind of mindless drivel from these so-called experts. Of course you can strengthen your relationship thereby reducing the chance, but you can’t prevent it entirely.


*Women all over the world need to understand if a man wants to cheat on them, he’ll find a way. I don’t care if your whisker biscuit can bake a cake while balancing the checkbook…if a man really wants to pull a fast one, it’s as good as done. You can have the most amazing combination of looks, brains and charm of any woman alive but if a guy wants to sample some other feminine finery, it’s open season.

Don’t think so?

Take a look at Elin Woods, Tiger’s ex. This graceful and elegant Swedish angel is a catch by any standard. But it didn’t matter. Tiger parked his Wood in some second-rate porn princess and it cost him $100M on top of his marriage.

One Hundred Million Dollars??!!

No second-rate vertical smile is worth $100M!!

Tanya, I’m not a therapist, but I would give your husband the benefit of the doubt when he tells you it won’t happen again. And seek out a qualified couples counselor or therapist in your area if you haven’t already.

Ladies, this is one of those times that it breaks my heart to share the cold, hard truth of reality. But my sworn mission is to empower and inform women, and a critical part of this charge is creating awareness of issues with life-altering potential in a woman’s world.

Issues for better or for worse.

Thanks for the note, Tanya.