Hi Austin –
My husband cheated on me for 6 months with another woman. He said it was only sex and he never loved her. I want to believe him when he tells me it was a mistake and that it will never happen again. But I am devastated beyond words. Do you think he’s telling me the truth? What do you think about the “once a cheater, always a cheater” thing? Please help me. – Tanya
The reality is once a partner cheats, there’s a high probability they’ll do it again. This is ESPECIALLY true if that partner packs a penis. Without knowing the specifics of your situation, I obviously can’t say for sure, but the old adage; “Once a cheater always a cheater” holds true in most cases.
Now does that mean your man is definitely going to cheat on you again? Of course not. There are plenty of examples of infidelity devastating a relationship and the couple then moves beyond the hurt and betrayal to form a stronger and more loving bond. However, that’s the exception rather than the rule.
Unfortunately, there’s a ton of garbage and misinformation out there about cheaters, cheating and infidelity. You don’t have to look far to find some half-baked talking head or tv host spewing senseless garbage about how to deal with a cheating partner.
In fact, just the other day on CNN I heard a famous therapist blather on and on about things women can do to prevent men from cheating on them. When I heard that, I about lost it. This is the kind of mindless yammering that really pisses me off. And from somebody who should know better as well.
Here’s what I would’ve said if I was on CNN…
PLEASE tell me you don’t actually believe that pile of fecal matter you’re peddling?
Women need to understand that if a man wants to cheat on them, he’ll find a way.
I don’t care if her whisker biscuit can bake a cake while calculating trigonometry on the fly, if a man wants to get his kicks somewhere else, it’s as good as done.
As a woman, you can have the best looks, brains and charm of any woman alive but if a guy REALLY wants to sample some other feminine finery, it’s open season.
Now a woman can strengthen her relationship thereby reducing the chance her man will wander off the reservation, but that’s about it.
Don’t agree with me?
Take a look at Elin Woods, Tiger’s ex. This graceful and elegant Swedish angel is a first-rate catch by AND standard. But it didn’t matter. A few years ago, Tiger parked his wood in some second-rate porn princess and it cost him $100M on top of his marriage.
100 MILLION DOLLARS??!!
Hope it was worth it, brother.
My point is if Elin Woods and the threat of losing $100 million can’t keep a man from wandering off the reservation, what’s the likelihood the average woman is going to succeed where she failed?
Tanya, I would would give your husband the benefit of the doubt when he tells you it won’t happen again. That being said, the odds aren’t in your favor so I highly suggest you start couples therapy IMMEDIATELY.
Now, no man wants to be dragged into therapy but his reaction when you bring it up will tell you everything you need to know. If he’s remotely hesitant or anything less than 1000% committed to working on your marriage, start planning your exit strategy….
This is one of those times it breaks my heart to share the cold hard truth of reality. But my sworn mission is to empower women and sometimes that requires me to cut through the noise in order to arm you with the truth.
And while at first the truth might break your heart, as the old saying goes, it WILL set you free.
Thanks for the note, Tanya.