My fiancé and I are engaged. But he did cheat on me a couple of years ago with a co-worker. I found the texts on his cell phone. We broke up for awhile and I recently took him back. Everything was fine up until about a month ago. Now he’s keeping his phone close and private like before. My gut tells me something isn’t right but everytime I bring it up he gives me a guilt trip and says I need to trust him for our marriage to work. What are your thoughts on this? Please help. Lisa
I get some variation of this question on a daily basis, so please know that you’re far from alone on this one.
Every healthy relationship needs to be rooted in mutual respect, admiration and trust. That said, yours unfortunately sounds like a recipe for disaster. You have two huge problems right off the bat. First, your pussy-hound of a fiancé has already proven he’s willing to cheat on you. Second, the fact he keeps his phone close to him is probably all the confirmation you need. Short of you walking in on him with another woman, I don’t know what other kind of sign you want.
Lisa, like a lot of men, I’ve been untrue to some of my partners. I’m not proud of it, but it’s something I did and I can’t change the past. But the best thing about having a reformed bad boy like myself as an advocate for women is I know every trick in the book guys use. Hell, my ex-wife might even tell you I wrote the damn book. But you know what? I wouldn’t trade my experiences for all the tea in China. Without them, I wouldn’t have the wisdom and knowledge to help others like I do.
You mentioned your fiancé is keeping his cell phone close to him and says you need to trust him for your marriage to work. This is a classic Manipulation 101 stunt. It’s the same trick I’ve used several times myself.
Listen to this story……
When I was younger, I was dating Kelly and Ashley at the same time, neither of whom knew about the other. One evening Kelly confronted me and told me she suspected I was dating someone else. With my back literally and figuratively up against the wall, I did exactly what your fiancé and so many guys do when they find themselves in a jam….we manipulate the situation and lie our asses off at any cost.
I first unloaded on Kelly telling her she was incredibly insecure and that she needed to get a grip. Then I ripped into her saying I couldn’t believe after all the time we had spent together that she actually had the audacity to suggest I was dating another woman. I finished my rant by telling her she was free to walk out the door if that’s what she really believed. I even pointed at the door. Can you believe that?? What a dick I used to be. I fired with the weight of a two-ton manipulation hammer while making her feel like an absolute jerk for daring to question me. And guess what? It worked. Even though she was no wilting flower, Kelly ended up apologizing later that night as so many women often do. How awful is that? And to add insult to injury…less than twelve hours later I was deep inside Ashley, thereby proving Kelly’s suspicion.
Lisa, as I mentioned earlier, every healthy relationship needs to be rooted in mutual respect, admiration and trust. There is very little, if any, trust in this relationship from what I can see. The fact you feel the need to look through your fiancés phone should tell you everything you need to know. Please learn from the wisdom of my experience and don’t play the fool by continuing the relationship if your gut is telling you something isn’t right. Because like Kelly, even if you ask, it’s unlikely you’ll get the truth from him.