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Bound And Gagged

-b50f4d7f-860e-48d7-919c-580b6f234b5bUnless you’ve been living in a monastery or convent for the past few years, you’ve heard of the book, Fifty Shades of Grey. A fiendishly twisted tale of carnal pleasure, Fifty Shades has captured hearts and minds all over the world and lit a roaring flame deep inside a million female souls. Just in case you’re not in the know, be forewarned….this book is NOT one of your mother’s Harlequin romance novels. On the pages of this poorly-written but racy read, every whips-and-chains scenario your wicked brain can imagine is played out with great relish and descriptive flair.

And it’s about to get a whole lot better.

(Or worse, depending on your point of view)

Enter Fifty Shades Of Grey, the movie.

Valentine’s Day 2015 will see the silver screen light up with the cinematic adaptation of this literary phenomenon. I, for one, can’t wait. Watching the book’s critics blow a gasket and spin out is always good for a chuckle or two.

Since virtually the day the book was released, Fifty Shades of Grey has caused more than it’s fair share of hand-wringing in uptight prudes all across the nation. It seems there’s no shortage of folks who are concerned with what this newfound fascination with BDSM says about women in the new millennium.

Critics say Fifty Shades is demeaning towards women….

Violent.

Exploitive.

Dangerous.

I say, that’s a crock.

So do the millions of women who’ve fallen in love with these books.

See, what the critics either refuse or are unable to see is that Fifty Shades is a fictional tale of consensual sex. The protagonist, Anastasia Steele, is never harmed against her will or subjected to ANY activity without her FULL agreement and consent. Since she is a willing participant of sound mind, the violence against women argument has little, if any merit.

What these modern day Puritans also don’t understand is that a woman’s GREATEST aphrodisiac is the thrill of being swept off her feet. Women WANT to bebdsm-1 desired. Worshipped. Adored. Ravished to their core and made to feel alive. And if by a confident, self-assured man with a hint of danger and intrigue, then so much the better. Who cares if the path to passion is a little unconventional? What’s most important is that every nerve ending in her body be set ablaze with desire. And if that happens to be with a quick snap of a riding crop, then so be it.

Call me cracked, but anything that invigorates the libidos of a hundred million women across the planet can only be a good thing. After all, sexual passion in its many colorful forms brings us some of life’s finest pleasures, so any opportunity to work each other over into a sweaty mess of tangled limbs and tousled hair is alright in my book. As long as it’s consensual, then anything goes.

As for the backlash about how this movie promotes violence towards women, I say, Get A Life! Fifty Shades is a fictional love story written for one reason alone…to excite and stimulate the female imagination. Both the book, and now the movie, are breaking down barriers in bedrooms and inspiring women everywhere to explore and be adventurous on THEIR terms.

Tell me again why that’s a bad thing?

Exactly.

So Ladies, this Saint Valentine’s Day, leave the saint in you behind, head down to your local movie theater and fire up your inner goddess with a screening of Fifty Shades of Grey. Lose the schoolgirl guilt and instead grab a whip, chain, feather, or toy and create a fantasy you never knew you had. Let this be your excuse to indulge your steamiest desires with no consequence or judgmental retribution.

And for the Fellas…

Put away the heart-shaped box of chocolates and don’t even think about buying her another one of those worthless furry teddy bears. This year, leave the lingerie at Victoria’s Secret and instead try a satin-laced blindfold paired with a leather riding crop…WHAP!

And, of course, her favorite bottle of wine.

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Generation MILF

I assume most folks are familiar with the term, MILF. If not, I think Wikipedia says it best…“A common colloquial term generally regarded as vulgar, yet denoting a sexually attractive older female; generally between thirty and fifty years of age.”

Despite its off-color beginnings and the words that comprise the acronym itself, the general consensus is the term MILF has evolved beyond its literal meaning and into a complimentary way of acknowledging the sensuality of a woman in her thirties and beyond. Thanks to television shows like Cougartown and The Real Housewives series, the term has permeated the lexicon of pop culture and helped shape the stereotypes of the beautiful state I call home. That said, one stereotype that definitely holds true is that California is a mecca for beautiful women. Fortunately for me, one such woman is my good friend, Lauren. One of the best things about Lauren is that she’s a forty-year-old mother of three. I’ve long contended a great many women grow more attractive as they age.

Both inside and out.

Several weeks ago, Lauren and I went to a popular restaurant in Los Angeles. It was Ladies Night and the place was overflowing with feminine physical perfection; eighty percent of it under the age of twenty-five. Forget about the standard double take, these young women were dressed-to-kill triple takes who make Kim Kardashian look like the north end of a southbound mule. Unfortunately, as Lauren and I quickly learned after some conversation with several of them at the bar, most of these ladies also matched Miss Kardashian in the intelligence department. The sheer amount of mind-numbing drivel pouring of their mouths was enough to make me want to stick a hot poker in my eye. Present company excluded, I’d be surprised if the combined intelligence quotient of those assembled could power a sixty watt bulb. Yet none of this mattered to the throngs of middle-age men who descended on these young women like packs of ravenous wolves.

Picture this scenario: Balding, middle-aged guys jockeying for the attention of young twenty-somethings, all the while ignoring the older, albeit no less beautiful women assembled at the bar just a few feet away. The scene reminded me of a beehive with all the activity focused on a few queens to the exclusion of everything else. I couldn’t help but chuckle as I observed this half-baked courting ritual in full effect. These guys clearly had their heads up their asses. It was all I could do to stop myself from pulling them aside to say,

“What the hell is wrong with you guys? The crown jewels in this joint are the mature women, my friends…not some barely legal half-wit who thinks the SAT test is something performed on a chair. Now get your asses over here and let’s talk to some real women….”

There’s something about a woman over the age of thirty that sets every fiber of my being ablaze with desire. Like a fine wine, I believe many women only get better with time. As a man who’s had the great privilege to love, appreciate, and adore a variety of women in my lifetime, I can tell you with absolute certainty that an older woman can stimulate both my loins and intellect in ways no college coed could ever dream. Who gives a shit about a few extra stretch marks or breasts that aren’t as perky as they once were? What these women supposedly “lack” according to the standards of our vain and youth-obsessed culture, they more than make up for in confidence, intellect and experience.

This is by no means an affront to the younger generation of women. They are after all, the feminine finery of the future. But most younger women haven’t yet had the opportunity to absorb the wisdom and knowledge learned primarily through years spent in the trenches of life. And it is this experience, my friend, why older women kick ass over their younger counterparts in almost every way imaginable.

It’s her complete and total lack of sexual inhibition as I work her over into a sweaty mess of tangled limbs and tousled hair. It goes without saying that a young, hot body is nice, but it pales in comparison to the self-assured sensuality and confidence of a woman in her sexual prime.

And let’s not forget the depth of her intellect that can stimulate me for hours on end. This is without question the most important factor in my own personal law of attraction. Personally, I’d rather be punched in the testicles than endure even sixty seconds of the mindless yammering typical of the average twenty-something. Unlike the middle-aged cock jockeys in the story above, I can’t fathom for even a moment why some men my age find ditzy younger women so appealing given the alternative. It’s a quintessential example of style over substance. Count me out of your mind-numbing sausage fest, Gentlemen. I’ll take brains before beauty ten times out of ten.

All in all, a mature woman’s quiet self-assurance in who she has become is the ultimate aphrodisiac. Like the cliffs that grace a rocky shoreline, many a woman’s life is shaped by the gale force winds of marriage, children, heartache and loss. Somewhere in the stormy chaos of a life built around serving others, many of these women sadly lose themselves. Fortunately for men like myself, they also find themselves again. The return path they blaze refines and shapes them like a master craftsman honing his finest art. What emerges on the other end is often another woman entirely. A stronger, wiser and deeper woman; borne of the trials and tribulations of modern life.

And that’s something no younger woman can ever hope to rival.

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The Chaos of Fatherhood

I’ve been blessed in this life with two beautiful daughters. They’re specimens of physical perfection with hearts of gold to match. When the Supreme Deity crafted this unique batch of femininity, the angels assigned to assist were clearly instructed to use only the finest ingredients. Their sparkling blue eyes and charming little personalities light up the days of everyone they meet and I consider myself the luckiest bastard in the world to be their dad.

I swear on my Granny’s grave there’s no doubt the good Lord gave me kids as payback for my forty-year reign as CEO of Troublemakers, Inc. Blessing a reformed bad boy like me with two beautiful daughters is proof positive that Queen Karma not only exists, but that she loves retribution. No doubt at this very moment, God and the Queen are throwing back tequila shots in the clouds and laughing it up at my current plight…..

The plight of a newly single father.

When I was married, I thrived in the role of fatherhood… but with a catch. Everything was on my terms. When it came to bedtime stories, the occasional bubble bath or championship pillow fights, I was Father of the Year.

Ice cream before dinner? No problem!

South Park for my 3-year-old? Why not? It’s a cartoon, isn’t it?

As a married man, fatherhood seemed to be a breeze. Of course in retrospect, the only breeze around my house was me breezing out the door when the going got tough.

So much for Father of the Year.

I remember coming home after a long day of work to the same old scene time and time again….the interior of my beautiful home laid-to-waste courtesy of my genetic replicas. Despite having just arrived home themselves, my girls could create scenes of devastation on par with Hurricane Katrina in sixty seconds flat. Walking through the front door, my tired eyes witnessed a swath of destruction that surely must have contained every toy, book and crayon color known to man. And as if that weren’t enough, I could always count on my delicate eardrums being mercilessly assaulted with the combined cacophony of pots and pans set to a backdrop of The Wiggles theme song. Yet somehow, the amazing female brave enough to take my last name took it all in stride while her husband damn near had a meltdown of nuclear proportions.

Because of scenes like this, my desire for escape at the end of the day was stronger than that of a death-row inmate incarcerated on Alcatraz. Like a lot of guys, I could often be found locked behind the doors of my home office, praying to The Fates that my family would leave me alone. But this escape would inevitably saddle my long-suffering wife with a disproportionate share of the childcare responsibilities. Particularly, the less-than-glamorous bits.

Not cool.

For me, if the task in question involved baby backwash, juvenile fecal matter, whining, complaining or any number of other unpleasantries, I did my best to disappear faster than virginity on prom night. Because I worked a corporate job all day, I justified my vanishing act by rationalizing that a mother’s job description couldn’t possibly be as draining or taxing as mine.

I have never been more wrong.

Now that I’m a single dad and my ex-wife isn’t around all the time like she was during the blissful days of yore, I have a whole new level of respect and admiration for mothers and caretakers of every sort. I am now wholeheartedly convinced there is no more noble or selfless job in the entire world than that of a responsible, attentive and loving mother. Men like to joke about women being the weaker sex, but the joke’s on us, fellas…..there aren’t many men alive who can manage a household, earn an income and juggle family responsibilities with a fraction of the combined competence a woman can.

As proof of my point…yesterday, it took me over an hour to make two grilled cheese sandwiches and a bowl of tomato soup for my girls. In typical Blood fashion, I somehow managed to turn what should have been a simple dinnertime ritual into an Act of God. Emeril Lagasse would no doubt have fired me on the spot.

BAM!

Between boil overs, plumes of black smoke and a litany of four-letter obscenities, I proceeded to annihilate every piece of cookware within a ten-foot radius. When I was done, my kitchen looked like the cross between a double homicide and the aftermath of an F5 tornado. I’m still flabbergasted the fire department or SWAT team never showed up. Unlike me, my ex could cook a gourmet meal with a baby on her hip while talking on her phone to her boss, and simultaneously helping my oldest daughter with her homework. Hell, I’m lucky if I can shit and fart at the same time!

I have to admit, prior to being a single dad, I never gave women the credit they deserved for their contributions in the role of motherhood. I took my ex-wife’s abilities for granted since I had NO idea it was this much work. Now that I’m on the hook for cleaning up after, negotiating with, and chauffeuring around two blonde chicks with as much of an attitude problem as their old man, I tip my hat to women all across the world. For a guy like me, it takes being on my own to realize what an amazing set of abilities many mothers intuitively and naturally possess. Compassion, attentiveness and patience are merely the start. Take it from a guy who’s recently learned the hard way; being a responsible, loving caretaker or mother is easily one of the most underrated yet important jobs in the world. For this reason, the nurturing instinct with which many women are blessed deserves to be cherished and validated at every opportunity. Because fifty years from now, it won’t matter what kind of car we drove or what the balance in our bank account was, but there’s a high probability the world will be a better place because a woman was important in the life of a child.

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Dating After Divorce; The D.A.D. Chronicles

Dating After Divorce.

The mere thought induces waves of nausea and recoils of revulsion in newly single women all across the land. Now that I think about it, the distaste clearly isn’t limited to just women. Most single guys I know would prefer an infected scrotum to navigating the dysfunctional and sometimes treacherous waters of dating after the age of thirty. The bottom line is, it doesn’t matter if you’re packing a penis or a symmetrical set of feminine breasts – the general consensus is that post-divorce dating blows.

Or so some would say.

Call me cracked, but I’ve always enjoyed the dating scene. Though my bad boy days of pimpin’ and playin’ are behind me, there’s still nothing quite like sitting across the table from an intelligent and vibrant shutterstock_14826820specimen of human femininity. As a hot-blooded alpha male who adores women to my core, I believe every woman is a masterpiece in her own way. So to me, the process of getting to know someone new is like watching an artist paint a picture before my very eyes. At the beginning, each woman is an unknown – a blank canvas full of potential beauty and grace. As we get to know one another, brushstrokes appear on the canvas and a picture begins to form. Her character might be represented by brushstrokes of blue. Her personality, the addition of reds. Our compatibility might be a light shade of green, while her qualities are a soft blending of greys. If it all comes together in a ‘picture’ that pleases the eye, I’ll throw myself heart-and-soul into said masterpiece and give it my all.

That said, I haven’t dated much in the past year or two. Between finalizing my divorce, writing my first book and terrorizing the back roads of America from the chrome-studded seat of my custom Harley Davidson, I’ve had other priorities jumbling around in my helmetless head. But all that is about to change. I’ve recently decided it’s time to come in from the cold and begin a new chapter in Blood’s chronicles of female companionship. Said another way, I’m going to start dating again.

Now for those of you who just now decided to lock up your wives or hide your daughters, allow me to put your mind at ease. It’s a whole new Austin Blood on the scene this time around. Now that I’m older and thankfully just a little wiser, I’m a completely different man in many respects. Like most responsible adults, I no longer have the luxury of putting myself first or indulging the impulsive and sadistic whims that used to bring me so much joy. The blissful and carefree days of juvenile delinquency are long gone. Responsibility is my new mantra now and with this maturity comes a whole new set of priorities and considerations. Dating at age thirty, forty or fifty isn’t the same as when you’re younger. Or at least it shouldn’t be. So in commemoration of my upcoming foray back into the fray, I’m commencing this hard-hitting series on what I believe are the most important factors to consider when venturing forth into the sometimes inhospitable badlands of post-divorce dating. Henceforth, these factors shall be known as The DAD Factors.

So without further ado…

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Preamble

For most of my twenties, accountability and obligation were dirty words and as foreign to me as the concept of a stable relationship is to Taylor Swift. Hell, until I was twenty-five, I considered the day a success if I rolled out of bed before noon and managed to wash my nutsack. Things are a little different now. For starters, the Good Lord has blessed me with two precious little genetic replicas who count on me every day to provide for and protect them. I’ve long contended the single most important job of any parent is to raise happy and well-adjusted human beings. In this day and age, that can be a tall order. Kids today are mercilessly assaulted by a reckless and ever-present pop-culture serving up a rancid stew of sex, materialism and a narcissistic sense of entitlement. So to combat the societal wolves who lie waiting to snare our impressionable young ones at every turn, it is more important than ever that we as responsible parents do our best to create an environment of loving stability in our homes. This is especially important if their world has been rocked or destabilized by the specter of divorce. Which brings us to DAD Factor # 1…….

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It Ain’t All About You (Or Me)

Many divorcees emerge teary-eyed from the SplitsVille Tunnel with more emotional baggage than a cross-country Amtrak. Consequently, they aren’t always in the best frame of mind to make optimal decisions for themselves or their kids. But can you really blame them? Given that their entire existence has just been tossed in a high-speed mixer and blended on frappe, their fragile and vulnerable state is to be expected. Unfortunately, with the wounds of their marriage’s schism still bleeding profusely, many divorcees do the one thing they have absolutely no business doing….they haul ass straight into the arms and bed of damn near the first person who comes along. Virtually overnight, this new Romeo or Juliet becomes the most important person in the divorcees shattered world. Their savior. Their newfound messiah. Their own Personal Jesus. Someone to hear their prayers. Someone who cares.

Like the old saying goes, ‘Nothing helps get over the old, quite like the new.’

Be that as it may, this is a bad idea for so many reasons. Most notably, you’re not much good for someone else if you’re already an emotional liability yourself. And let’s face it, many divorcees are exactly that. I know I was for a time. So when you’re down and out, you need some time to heal. Time to sort things through and begin the process of making yourself whole again. But the average divorcee doesn’t think so. To shutterstock_134867051them, healing can only be found in the arms of another. And as quickly as possible. So they commit one of the most egregious of all post-divorce sins….they place their new partner on the highest pedestal and then prioritize that relationship over every other. Oftentimes, including their relationship with their kids. We all know somebody like this. Someone who fools themselves into thinking it’s the right person, even if it’s the wrong person, just to have a warm body by their side.

Big mistake.

This is where DAD Factor # 1 comes into play. When it comes to dating after divorce, it ain’t all about you or me but it IS all about the kids. Specifically, what is best for them so that they come through the divorce with the least amount of scarring and disruption to their lives as possible. If you’re either going through or are recently divorced and want to give Junior a serious case of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, start introducing your lovers or dates into his or her world. Then after you’ve facilitated the introductions, be sure and send me an email with your home address so I can come over and brain you with a cast iron skillet, Three-Stooges-style.

DONG!

Do your kids a favor and keep them in the dark about your love life. Both during and in the aftermath of the divorce. I’m talking total blackout. No exceptions, no deviations. If there’s one thing that raises Blood’s blood pressure to aneurysm-inducing levels, it’s watching supposedly mature adults act like emotionally-stunted, love-sick teenagers while their poor kids bear witness to mom or dad’s sideshow train-wreck of a dating life. Divorce is traumatic enough for kids without them seeing mom or dad getting their groove on with someone other than mom or dad too soon. Know what I mean?

So this begs the question….how long should someone wait before introducing a new romantic partner into their children’s world? I regularly counsel women on matters of divorce, so I’m asked this question on an almost daily basis. My response usually shocks the shit out of most people. I tell them a minimum of one year. That’s twelve months on the low end, folks. Frankly, the longer the better as far as I’m concerned.

Why a year?

Let’s be honest…the first six months to a year of virtually any romantic relationship is the euphoric and blissful honeymoon stage. Everyone is in love, on their best behavior and the stars and constellations are aligned. Guys aren’t yet butt barking and scratching their nuts at every turn and women are still shaving their legs and whisker biscuits for the benefit of all mankind. Everyone watches what they say and are generally as agreeable as they’ll ever be.

It’s a magical time.

Here’s the bottom line: You don’t really get to know someone until at least a year or more into the relationship. I don’t care what anyone says. It doesn’t matter if you’re welded to one another at the hip for the first six months…certain things only reveal themselves with the passing of time. You don’t truly begin the process of getting to know someone until some level of comfort sets in on both sides and masks begins to slip. That’s why with rare exception, the new Romeo or Juliet is largely an unknown. They haven’t stood the test of time. Or walked with you through trials and fire. They’re an unproven entity. With a future unknown where you are concerned. So why subject what is most precious to you in the entire world to even more uncertainty during an already uncertain time by introducing this new person into your child’s life too soon? The answer is simple. If you have half a brain, you don’t.

photoSo you can bet your sweet ass the Blood girls won’t be meeting the ladies anytime soon. No matter how amazing I think the woman may be. My daughters’ sense of stability and assuring them that they hold first place in my heart and mind is far more important than anything else to me at this point. In fact, just the other day, my nine-year-old affirmed for me the wisdom of this approach without even trying.

Her: “Daddy, are you ever going to get married again?”
Me: “Married again? Ummm…the thought really hadn’t even crossed my mind yet. Anyways, that wouldn’t make much sense for me right now. I already have TWO amazing girls in my life, right?”

Upon hearing that, her beautiful little face broke into the biggest grin I’ve ever seen and lit up with a glow I’ll never forget. A glow borne of safety and security that she was still number one.

When it comes to dating after divorce, it’s all about what’s right for the kids, folks. Trust me on this one. They’ll thank you for it someday.

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One-on-One with Dr. Drew

Join me as I sit down one-on-one with Dr. Drew Pinsky for a frank and open conversation about the differences between men and women and what you should never compromise on if you’re a woman.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A Memo To Single and Divorced Moms

You don’t need me to tell you going through a nasty breakup with the father of your children can be downright cataclysmic. There’s something about the complex combination of bloodsucking lawyers, wars of words and mental anguish that causes most women to channel the dark side with a vengeance that would make Darth Vader proud. At some point, every negative emotion under the sun rears its ugly head during the tumultuous and oftentimes heartbreaking process of dissolving your once-loving relationship. shutterstock_98836253For the average woman, this means stratospheric levels of rage, spite and anger coupled with ample amounts of loneliness, depression and despair. You become your own worst version of yourself, capable of sinking to levels and behaving in ways you never thought possible as emotions run raw and tempers flare hotter than Lucifer’s lair on a searing summer day. One day you’re Doc Jekyll, the next Mrs. Hyde. Even if you’re so damn delighted to be out of the relationship you could do cartwheels and backflips of joy, the process of getting to the other side can be akin to undergoing an anesthesia-free root canal and simultaneous amputation of your favorite appendage. It’s no picnic and it’s no easy ride. The end result is almost always a woman who is in some way battered, bruised, beat down or broken.

Speaking of broken, a close friend of mine is a well-respected neurosurgeon and he tells me if you look at cranial CAT scans of people going through a nasty breakup, you’ll often find serious synaptic deficiencies in areas of the brain responsible for judgment, common sense and relational intelligence. It’s almost as if the decision to split induces a unique psychological condition that tanks the intelligence quotient of certain individuals a hundred points or more. For women, this means almost overnight, the man you once thought you wanted by your side for all eternity literally becomes the most mentally deficient person on the planet. Enter Mr. Moron. Virtually everything he says or does is nothing short of an unmitigated disaster in your mind. He can’t do much, if anything, right and it seems his very existence is custom made to get under your skin. And wouldn’t you know it? He feels exactly the same way about you. This is when you begin to look at each other and think…

Was I drunk and high for the entire relationship?

Sometimes it feels that way.

So when two people already grating on each other’s final nerve have to work together through a complex series of financial and custody-related challenges, it creates the perfect storm for a protracted season of Category 5 blowouts. No wonder we brawl like a bunch of coked-up Vikings more than half the time.

To add insult to injury, many men (and women) exacerbate this already tenuous and volatile environment by rushing headlong into a new romance with someone else faster than you can say ‘fresh beaver.’ We all know somebody like this. Some poor, emotionally traumatized tool who rushes from the still smoldering, disastrous implosion of his relationship and starts seeing someone new before the dust even begins to settle. I guess the old notion of time healing all wounds is out the window here. It’s a brave new world where it’s believed the best way to get over someone….is to get under someone else.

Instant gratification at its finest.

As if this weren’t enough, this affection-starved Casanova often makes matters worse by ‘blending’ his kid’s world with that of his new lover’s world at damn near warp speed. Sometimes it all happens so quickly it can make your head spin.

As a newly single mom, few things in life can be more difficult than the first time another woman swoops in and starts spending time with YOUR precious offspring. Just knowing another woman is ‘playing house’ with your kids can be the emotional equivalent of a gut punch to the uterus. Even if you’re relatively secure, the hideous specter of self-doubt can rear its ugly head and shake your confidence to its core. Before you know it, you find yourself tortured with every kind of self-inflicted mind game under the sun…

  • Do my kids enjoy being with her more?
  • Is she more fun than I am?
  • Will everyone else think she’s an ‘upgrade’ compared to me?

If you’re a single or divorced woman who struggles with this, I have a very important message for you…

When it comes to your relationship with your children, the last thing in the world you have to worry about is being upstaged or replaced by another woman.

Assuming you are a loving and involved parent, no one is going to swoop in at the eleventh hour and unravel the bond you and your children have spent their lifetime building. It doesn’t work that way. There’s a reason the phrase, A Mother’s Love Has No Equal, stands the test of time. Because it’s true. Your role as your children’s mother is indispensable, invaluable and irreplaceable. And whether you realize it or not, they need you now more than ever to be their shining beacon of stability and light. You are the epicenter of their world, and they in turn, will be yours.

One of the most beautiful things about kids is the way in which they love. Children don’t have a limited or finite supply of love or affection. So the time they spend or single_moms_rule_mothers_day_card-rf4c6a4e029284bdeb57639121ce4acdd_xvuak_8byvr_512attention they give to someone else doesn’t detract from their ability to love and cherish you wholeheartedly. Kids are fully capable of giving of themselves and just living in the present moment. So believe me when I tell you the presence of another woman in your child’s life will never take away or diminish the special place and unmatched love your children hold in their heart for you as their mother.

Speaking for myself, I’m very fortunate to have an ex-wife who places a priority on her relationship with our daughters. And though she and I still brawl like the aforementioned Vikings from time to time, I know the unique bond that links them together will never be disrupted by the presence of another woman in my life. Not now. Not ever. Not only because I wouldn’t allow it, but also because the woman I’m with will be wise and secure enough in herself to understand that NOBODY comes between a mother and her children.

Not even her.

I’ve always thought one of the best things about freeing ourselves from the bonds of a dysfunctional relationship is the chance for a fresh start. And contrary to what some people may think, just because you may be single or alone right now doesn’t mean you’re crazy or damaged goods. Oftentimes, it means just the opposite. It means you had the strength and courage to see your way clear to a new and better life for yourself and your children. Even if it doesn’t always feel that way. Not everyone gets this opportunity. Instead, countless women remain trapped inside lifeless, abusive or passionless relationships for the sake of money, children or just pure convenience.

That’s no way to live.

The famous German philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche, once said, “Out of chaos, comes order.” Talk about a philosophical notion that’s dead on the mark! While there’s no doubt some societal ills have their roots in the fragmenting of the family, just as often, the decision to end a marriage or other relationship is the catalyst to a brand new lease on life for millions of people. A brighter lease of joy, health, and happiness for men, women, and children alike.

And that, my friends, is The Unfiltered Truth…..

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Why Do Men Lie?

Lies.

Lies.

Lies.

There’s nothing quite like a load of bullcrap to make the world go ‘round. And we’re all guilty of it. All of us. Whether it’s a little white lie to save ourselves some short-term hassle or a full-blown web of deceit to hide that dirty little secret or deviant desire, many of us excel at shoveling prodigious piles of truth-deficient poo on a regular basis.

Walt-Disney-Fan-Art-Pinocchio-walt-disney-characters-35978290-1024-1088Especially men.

One of the top complaints I hear from women is that men seem to lie.

A lot.

To hear these ladies tell it, men lie about damn near everything under the sun. We lie about our past. We lie about our future. Lie about what we’re doing, where we’ve been, what we’re thinking, what happened an hour ago, what happened thirty seconds ago, and so on.

In addition to the actual dishonesty, what really drives these ladies to drink is that men seem to lie about stuff they shouldn’t lie about at all. Dumb stuff. Stupid stuff. Matters that don’t amount to a hill of beans in the big scheme of things. So that’s what we’re going to talk about here. The little white lies. The seemingly inconsequential.

If you’re a woman, how many times has a man tried to pull the wool over your eyes? How many times has he told you that he’ll be home in ten minutes and then shows up an hour later? Or that his phone died and he didn’t get your message? Or that he did something around the house when he didn’t?

More times than you can count, I’m sure.

So why exactly do so many guys play fast and loose with the truth? If men were more straightforward and honest, wouldn’t life be easier for everyone?

In a word?

Umm….No.

*Unfiltered Truth Alert*

Ladies, there are really only three reasons a man will lie to you….

1. He doesn’t want to argue with you.
2. He doesn’t want to disappoint you.
3. He doesn’t want to hear you complain.
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There are other reasons, of course, but these are the main ones. So let’s start by taking a look at the complaints department, shall we?

I hate stating the obvious, but far too many females have made an art form out of nagging, whining, bitching, pouting and complaining. And it’s no secret that men hate this shit. They detest it. Every guy I’ve ever known would rather have his balls hot waxed than listen to another around of complaints from a woman about something he did or didn’t do. So if you’re a guy, and your woman is about to cloud up and rain on you, your first instinct is to save your ass. And the best way to save your ass is by covering it. That usually entails telling her what she wants to hear. When it comes to covering his ass, a man will do whatever he thinks is necessary in order to appease you. His rationale is simple:

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Keep the peace at all costs.

A lie is his way of avoiding an argument, avoiding criticism or disappointing you at that exact moment in time. If he gets caught, he can always deal with the fallout later. And we usually get caught, don’t we, Ladies? It’s like you’re a human polygraph machine. The second we pull a fast one, those finely-tuned fiction sensors of yours sniff out the lie like a fart in a car.

Speaking of lies gone awry, check out this falsehood fiasco from my not-too-distant past….

The Blood Household, circa 2011, 7:00 pm. 

Mrs B: “Austin, will you please brush the little monkey’s teeth and put her to bed? I have to finish this report for work.”

Me: “Sure, Baby. No problem.”

(One hour later)

Mrs B: “Hey! She really needs to get in bed. Did you brush her teeth yet?”
Me: “Crap! I totally forgot about her teeth. I’ll do it right now and then I’ll get her in bed…ok?”

(Another hour later)

Mrs B: “Hey!! I can’t believe she’s still up! #@%!! Get her in bed, please! Did you brush her teeth yet?”
Me: “Cool yer jets! Of course I brushed her teeth! You already asked me twice, didn’t you?”

But had I even been within spitting distance of a Dora the Explorer toothbrush that evening?

Of course not!

So why would I float this truth-deficient turd out into the universe?

Two Words: Self Preservation.

My long-suffering wife had already asked me to brush my daughter’s teeth. Twice. I obviously hadn’t, so if I fessed up and told her the truth, not only would I disappoint her, but I’d be on the receiving end of a few rations of grief for failure to comply. Never mind the fact they were well-deserved rations, I just didn’t want to hear about it.

So I told her what she wanted to hear.

Plus, I reasoned… ‘The kid’s only a toddler, right? Aren’t her teeth gonna fall out soon anyways? What’s the big rush? I can’t think of a single good reason why I should pull myself away from this Breaking Bad marathon just to sanitize a few juvenile chompers the Tooth Fairy has already marked for death. Anyways, I can always brush them in the morning. I’m sure her teeth will still be attached to her skull after breakfast and I’ll definitely have finished watching Season 3 by then…’

Such was my tortured logic.

Welcome to the convoluted and twisted rationale of the primal male mind.

Scenarios like the Dora toothbrush fiasco are replayed millions of times a day all across the globe. There’s no end to the number of creative things men will do or say to avoid disappointing women while simultaneously keeping their derrières out of hot water. One time my buddy Jake even rubbed his bare hands on the tires of his pickup truck one night after coming home three hours late. He knew his wife would lose her shit if she found out he’d gone drinking with the boys, so to keep himself out of the doghouse, he rubbed his palms all over his filthy tires right before pulling up in the driveway. Of course, when he finally walked in the house and was confronted by his steaming spouse, all it took was a show of blackened hands and a bullshit story about a tire blowout to soothe the savage beast.

Good ol’ Jake.

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Now…do these hare-brained male antics make any sense at all?

Not really.

Are they remotely logical?

Not exactly.

Could all this hassle be avoided by doing the right thing in the first place?

Absolutely.

But when have men ever done things the easy way?

Now in a perfect world, men would man up and dispense with the deceit entirely, but unfortunately far too many men (and women) don’t live in that world. So the lies continue, trust breaks down and it spirals from there. Sadly, the unfiltered truth on this matter is that many guys will forever tell little white lies to make their lives easier.

It’s just the way of our imperfect world.

Now as a woman, the silver lining to all this is that you don’t have to put up with dishonesty of any sort if you don’t want to. And while men in general may be notorious for their ability to con women with silver-tongued oratory, there are just as many good and decent men out there who place a premium on truth and fidelity. These gentlemen are the ones who understand that trust and mutual respect is the bedrock upon which the very best relationships are always built.

And that, my friend, is The Unfiltered Truth.

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Checked Out

The evening hours.

It’s the most blissful and harmonious time of your day. The time when your significant other breezes through the door after a long day of work. Today, like every day, he greets you with a smile and a kiss. Also like every day, he’s positively beaming. Grinning from ear to ear, in fact. That’s because your home is a scene of domestic perfection and tranquility.

Like it always is.

Tonight he catches you in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on your famously fabulous lobster bisque. The children are quiet as church mice and sitting at the counter finishing their homework. You’re so glad he’s home and he feels the same. This is his favorite time of the day too. For the sole reason that he can’t wait to hear all about your day. Nothing lifts his spirits quite like a blow-by-blow account of your activities since sunrise.

‘God, I love this man’, you think to yourself.

Taking his seat at the dinner table, he listens intently without interrupting while you regale him with the latest and greatest in your world. This is one of the things you love most about your guy. He’s an exceptional listener. He doesn’t try to fix the problem or offer too many suggestions. He just listens. And no topic is Photo Jun 17, 5 05 06 PMoff-limits as far as he’s concerned. He’s happy as a clam to hear about the latest drama with your gaggle of girlfriends as he is to hear about the kids.

How lucky are you?

After dinner, he takes out the trash, helps clean the kitchen and then spends the next hour or so hanging out with the kids before making sure he gets them in bed on time. At no point during the evening does he turn on the television, belch out his backside or disappear into his man cave. In fact, he deplores the very idea of a man cave and has continually resisted efforts by his buddies to build one for himself. He says he doesn’t feel the need to escape. He’s smart enough to know spending time with you and the family is what really rejuvenates his spirit.

So no man cave required.

As bedtime approaches and your guy heads upstairs to fold his own laundry and draw you a bath, you suddenly hear the sound of music floating in dreamily from far far away. It starts softly at first and then gets progressively louder as it drifts ever closer to your ears. In a flash, you realize it’s one of your favorite songs of all time. A rhythmic powerhouse from back in the day and a lyrical tribute to the finest man you’ve ever known. The man who at this very moment is upstairs sprinkling lavender-scented bath beads into your brand-new whirlpool bathtub. The words of the song sum up exactly how you feel about your guy each and every waking moment of the day….

♪Whatta man,
♪Whatta man,
♪Whatta man,
♪Whatta mighty good man!

With the lyrical brilliance of Salt-N-Pepa still ringing in your head, you suddenly realize the music is coming from your car radio.

Which means you’re sitting in your car. In bumper-to-bumper traffic. Fighting your way home after a long day of work.

Ugh.

With a heavy sigh, you realize you’ve just been daydreaming for the better part of half an hour.

Of course this was all too good to be true, right?

Of course it was.

Nauseatingly sweet scenes of domestic bliss like this don’t exist anymore – if they ever existed at all. For most of us, our reality is the exact opposite of the picture I just painted.

At the end of the day, chaos usually reigns supreme.

When I was married, I remember coming home after a long day of work to the same old scene time and time again….the interior of my beautiful home laid-to-waste courtesy of my genetic replicas. Despite having just arrived home themselves, my kids could create scenes of devastation on par with Hurricane Katrina in sixty seconds flat. Walking through the front door, my tired eyes witnessed a swath of destruction that surely must have contained every toy, book and crayon color known to man. And as if that weren’t enough, I could always count on my delicate eardrums being mercilessly assaulted with the combined cacophony of pots and pans set to a backdrop of The Wiggles theme song. Yet somehow, the amazing female brave enough to take my last name took it all in stride while her husband damn near had a meltdown of nuclear proportions. Because of scenes like this one, my desire for escape at the end of the day was stronger than that of a death-row inmate incarcerated on Alcatraz. Like a lot of guys, the evening hours often found me locked behind the doors of my home office praying to The Fates that my family would leave me alone for some much-needed downtime.

Much to dismay of women all across the land, this is typical guy behavior. Men come home at the end of the day wanting nothing more than to check out and be left alone. Yet in an ironic twist of fate, women want the exact opposite. Women need to talk.

Even if they’ve been talking all day.

This isn’t to say women don’t need their alone time too, but as a general rule women have a much greater need to emotionally connect at the end of the day than men do. Most guys I know, myself included, have little such desire. In fact, the average guy is borderline moronic when he walks in the door:

Her: “Hi Honey, how was your day?”

Him: “Fine.”

Her: “There’s pizza for dinner and I need to talk to you about a few things before I go to the gym.”

Him: “Ok.”

Her: “Also, we also really need to finalize our plans for this weekend too.”

Him: “Uh huh”

(Long pause)

Her: “Are you even listening to me?”

Him: “Huh?”

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Sound familiar?

If you’re a woman, the overwhelming need to deliver your own personal State of the Union address the second your guy walks in the door is totally understandable. And fully expected. After all, life is a constant flurry of activity from the moment we roll out of the wrong side of the bed in the morning, so it’s important we huddle up on a regular basis to make sure we’re all on the same page. The evening hours are the perfect time to do just that. Unfortunately, the problem with blasting your man the second he walks through the door is he’s already commenced his system shutdown routine. If he was a laptop computer, his screen would be gray and preparing itself for sleep mode. At this point in his day, he wants nothing more than to plant his backside on his favorite piece of furniture and jerk off the television remote to his favorite sports channel. Nobody knows this better than you do. And it’s frustrating to no end, isn’t it?

So how do we handle the fact that men need to shut down while women need to boot up?

Well, if you’re a woman, the first thing to understand is that your man’s withdrawal doesn’t have anything to do with you. This is a critical point. Many women think that when their man wants to be left alone that he’s somehow mad or irritated with them. If you’re a woman who feels this way, I can’t say that I blame you. When men don’t want to be messed with, we definitely do give off a certain vibe. Now…could he be ticked off at you? Sure. But shutterstock_71677819more often than not, he isn’t and all is well. Acting like an antisocial imbecile is just how he deals with stress and recharges his batteries. As I mentioned earlier, when I used to come home at the end of the day, I wanted nothing more than to disappear into my home office for some peace and solitude. This used to annoy my wife to no end because she didn’t understand what I’m sharing with you now and automatically assumed I was bent at her for one reason or another. Again, not that I could blame her since my communication skills during the twilight hours amounted to little more than a series of unintelligible snorts and grunts. But the truth is I wasn’t irritated at all. In fact, I’d had a great day. I just needed to shut it down for a bit before getting on with the evening routine.

So if you’re a woman, as difficult as it may be, try not to take your man’s social ineptitude personally. Once you understand it’s just his way of decompressing as opposed to something you’ve done, you’ll be less apt to allow his monosyllabic grunts and gestures to get under your skin.

Austin’s Word to the Wise 

There isn’t an easy fix for this one because our needs are almost polar opposites. So if women like to yap and men like to nap, how do we bridge the gap? (Take that, Dr. Seuss!) Well, we do what we always do when the relationship is important to us yet we don’t see eye-to-eye on a particular issue…..

We compromise.

For women, this means understanding that some solitude is what your man needs and not holding it against him. It means allowing him a decompression period and not blasting him the second he walks in the door. If he gets some downtime to clear his head and rejuvenate his spirit, he’ll be a much happier camper and YOU will be the direct beneficiary of your understanding and generosity.

For guys, compromise in this case means recognizing that a critical part of a woman’s satisfaction in her relationship with you is feeling like she’s heard. So even if it’s the last thing you’d rather do, you absolutely must give her some time. It doesn’t always have to be a lot, but quality in this case goes a long way. Even ten or fifteen minutes of uninterrupted quality time can make a world of difference. Please don’t do what I did in the latter stages of my marriage and disappear for the entire evening, every evening. If you do, your relationship will hit the skids faster than you can say Hell Hath No Fury…

Fellas, spending quality time together is a critical part of a woman’s love language and the importance of acknowledging and validating what’s on her mind cannot be overstated. If a woman doesn’t feel like she’s being heard or understood, the rejection she feels will ultimately breed a resentment that can shred the very fabric of your union. So do the right thing, Gents. As someone wise once said, we always have time for the things we put first.

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Complement Not Complicate

Not long ago, I posted the following quote for the men on my Facebook fan page. It read:

“Remember Fellas,
Any Woman Can Blow Your D**k.
Find A Woman Who Can Blow Your Mind…”
 

A few minutes later, I received the following e-mail from a fan…

Hi Austin – In regards to your last post, I’d like to know… How does a single girl blow a man’s mind? Is it her looks? Her job? Her personality? It’s a great quote, but how exactly does a girl do just that? Many of us single gals can’t seem to find a good guy so maybe you could address this question….?
 

shutterstock_126547388What a great question! How does a single girl do just that? After the great mystery of Why Am I Here?, the other cosmic riddle of the ages for legions of women young and old alike is how to capture and keep the attention of a good and decent man. So in recent weeks, I’ve given this question considerable thought and in doing so have reached far back into my sordid and chaotic past in the hopes of finding a lesson or two to help put this mystery to rest.

Just how does a woman blow a man’s mind?

After looking at all my relationships with women and what ultimately caused their demise, I have distilled the answer to this question down into one basic concept. Yes, just one. I’m a big believer that the answers to the questions we seek in life aren’t nearly as complicated as we often make them out to be. This concept, while theoretically simple, is one that often eludes many single women the vast majority of the time.

I call it, Complement not Complicate.

Now, before we go any further, let’s take a look at the finer points of the word, Complement. The words complement and compliment are frequently confused. Although pronounced alike, they have very different meanings. Complement, means ‘to add to something in a way that completes, enhances, or improves it,’ as in Christina’s slingback heels were the perfect complement to her black cocktail dress. Compliment, on the other hand, means ‘to admire and praise someone for something,’ as in Austin felt a stirring in his pants as he complimented Christina on her new pair of Stuart Weitzman slingback heels. For the purposes of this article, we will be referring to the word complement in the context of something that enhances or improves.

Whew! Now that we have that little grammatical unpleasantry out of the way, let’s take a quick look at a couple things that make men tick before I tell you how to blow a man’s mind using Complement not Complicate. This is critical since the better you understand the peculiar nature of the masculine cranial cavity, the better you can work things to your advantage. Thankfully, this isn’t difficult at all with Blood as your guide.

Fact #1: Most men are simple creatures by nature. Contrary to popular belief, what the average guy looks for in a woman isn’t all that complex. If you give him some respect, a little affection, space when he needs it and make sure to polish the one-eyed trouser snake occasionally, you’ll soothe the savage beast ninety-percent of the time.

Fact #2: Understand and internalize the fact that you ultimately can’t control or change a man. This is an irrefutable fact. You might think you can but you’ll only be fooling yourself. This means you can’t make a man love you. You can’t make him commit. You can’t make him spend more time with you and you certainly can’t make him more emotionally sensitive or more attentive to your needs. Hell, you can’t even make him call or text you if he doesn’t want to. In short, you can’t change much, if anything, about him at all. So for your own sanity, do yourself a favor and don’t even try. Now, sometimes you can elicit short-term behavioral changes by manipulating him but overall, people just don’t change unless they want to.

Period.

Speaking of manipulation, where most women run into problems is using various forms of antagonistic behavior to try and change a man’s actions when things aren’t going their way. I would imagine most of you ladies know what I’m talking about. I’m referring to all those lovely little sarcastic comments. The guilt trips. Psycho ChickPout parties. Whine productions and bitch fests. Ask any of your male friends and they’ll tell you – there’s no shortage of these boner killers in the average woman’s quiver.

To illustrate my point, check out the following list of common female complaints. Now in the interest of full disclosure, I will freely admit I have been blasted with every one of these by a woman with whom I was romantically involved; so in order to reproduce each complaint as it was originally communicated to yours truly, make sure to read the list with as much sarcasm, snark and snot-nosed condescension as you can possibly muster.

Gulp! Ready?

Here we go…

Lisa: “Austin! Ugh! Why can’t you be more like Jessica’s boyfriend? He treats her like a queen.”

Melissa: “Austin, you never ever bring me flowers anymore. You used to be so romantic.”

Kelly: “Austin, you spend more time with your friends than you do with me.”

Angela: “Well, well. If it isn’t the notorious Mr. Blood! Nice to FINALLY hear from you again. I thought you fell off the face of the earth…”

Jeanine: “Austin! I can’t believe you! I just saw the way you were talking to Kimberly. You are so flirty with my girlfriends!”

Wasn’t that fun? While this might not seem like a big deal, taking a sarcastic, whiny or critical approach like these ladies did with me is a guaranteed recipe for disaster when dealing with most men.

Here’s why…..

Criticism can be a tough pill to swallow even when it’s justified and done tactfully. Most people don’t handle condemnation well at all. This is especially true when you’re dealing with the fragile male ego. Men in particular hate being backed into a corner. There’s little we detest more than being put on the spot in a negative way. Every guy I know, myself included, would rather have his balls hot waxed than get blasted with another round of complaints about his behavior from a shutterstock_98139248woman. So when women come at us with gems like the ones above, guys either instinctively withdraw or go on the offensive ourselves. Either way the results aren’t pretty. And we all know what happens next: things hit the skids faster than a date with Taylor Swift and both parties end up irritated, furious or worse.

Looking back, I feel for these ladies. I really do. Although they had the best of intentions, their approach was way off. Did Angela really think whining about me not calling her was going to make me call her more? Did Melissa truly believe giving me crap about not being romantic was going to make me more romantic? I don’t believe so. In both cases, I’d say the ladies were just frustrated and didn’t know how to voice it without complicating the situation. Assuming they truly wanted me to do things differently, their BIG mistake was using negativity to try and make it happen. Whether it was calling more often, being more romantic or spending more time together, these women were trying to get me to do things their way by changing my behavior. Remember what we said earlier about the low probability for success with this approach when using negativity?

Uh oh.

Sadly, most women use this tactic when things don’t go their way. If this sounds like you, please know this is a surefire recipe for disaster and will only alienate or anger a man further. Since I assume you’d rather blow his mind than be blown off, allow me to offer an alternative to the negative approach so many women take. What I’m suggesting can literally mean the difference between a life of harmony and happiness or a life of strife, conflict and isolation. Just ask the women who have figured it out. If being the woman of a man’s dreams isn’t important to you, then no problem – you can stop reading now. But if you’re truly interested in standing out from the crowd of complicating drama mamas, read on…

Ready?

In order to blow a man’s mind, you must be the one woman in his life who enhances, or complements, his days. And the easiest way to complement his days is to not complicate them with this type of behavior.

It’s really that simple.

This point is so critical I’ll say it again:

The easiest way to complement a man’s days is to not complicate them.

Now this might seem overly simple but don’t make the mistake of confusing simplicity with effectiveness. Oftentimes the solutions to life’s biggest challenges are quite simple in nature. This is one of those times.

In order to put Complement not Complicate into practice, I’d like you to ask yourself a few things. Ask the following questions every time you’re getting ready to interact with a guy you would like to keep around for awhile….

  • Am I getting ready to complement or complicate the situation right now?
  • Is my approach here going to make things better or worse?
  • Will the words about to come out of my mouth just piss him off? Cause him to withdraw?

Now I live in the real world so I know this can be a tall order. Especially when you’re angry or hurt. But what’s the alternative? Making an issue over things you can’t control or change anyways? That makes no sense. All you’ll do is frustrate yourself, piss him off and up the odds that you’ll remain single. Unfortunately, many single women NEVER learn this lesson. Instead, they bitch, pout, whine and complicate their way through relationship after failed relationship all the while complaining about how there aren’t any decent guys left. Trust me, Lady. There are plenty of decent guys left. They’re just hauling ass in the other direction away from you.

Every day I receive emails from women all over the world asking for my advice on this very topic. While each woman’s situation is unique, the stories themselves are very much the same. They can’t meet a decent guy. They’re a magnet for jerks. They can’t get the guy they’re with to commit. Always the bridesmaid and never the bride. You get my point. If this sounds like you, be honest with yourself and ask why that’s the case. You may not like hearing it, but I would wager there’s a high probability you complicate more than you complement.

Now before we go any further let me make something explicitly clear: This is NOT about women rolling over and letting men rule the roost. Not even close. Nor is this some misguided misogynistic notion whereby women keep quiet for the sake of getting along. You’ll never hear such senseless drivel from me. If you’re even remotely familiar with my work, you know I am first and foremost an advocate for women everywhere. Consequently, I’ll be the first to admit my penis-packin’ brethren and I probably deserve epic beat-downs for some of the stunts we put you ladies through. No doubt about it. Between our trademarked insensitivity, annoying habits and propensity for random bursts of colon-scented air, it’s a wonder you ladies haven’t killed us in our sleep. So believe me when I tell you this is NOT about playing nice for the sake of getting along. This is purely about helping you understand what makes a man tick and then using that knowledge to your advantage.

Here’s how it works…..

shutterstock_126547388Women who complement rather than complicate are the ones who have figured out how to beat men at our own game. Most are relatively confident, secure women who realize they are basically dealing with boys stuck in men’s bodies more than half the time. Hence, they don’t get their panties wadded in a bunch every time a guy says or does the wrong thing. They know that just like children, men will forever say and do the wrong thing. It’s just the way of the world. They also understand attacking or putting a man on the spot in a negative way is the worst thing they can do if they are trying to win or maintain his affection. So they save their battles for the things that matter most. Most importantly, they realize NO amount of sarcasm, complaining, cattiness, nagging, pettiness or other complicating behaviors help them stand out from the crowd. These women are wise enough to know complicating things for a man in this way will only send him running in the opposite direction.

Someone brilliant once said, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Yet that’s exactly what millions of women do every day in their interactions with men. Without even realizing it, they bring all sorts of complicating behavior and drama into men’s lives then wonder why they get blown off, sidelined and eventually dumped. This is precisely why I’m addressing this hot button topic. As someone who counsels and advocates for women every day, it saddens me to watch smart and successful ladies repeat entirely avoidable mistakes and then pay for it with broken hearts and failed relationships.

Being the girl of a man’s dreams doesn’t mean pretending things don’t bother you. Far from it. It is about those things actually NOT bothering you because you are happy and secure with who you are as a woman. Self love is the most powerful force on the planet and once you come to terms with the fact that you’re absolutely amazing just the way you are, an incredible thing happens. You suddenly discover that you’re more beautiful, more appealing, and more confident that you can possibly imagine. You also find that the things that USED to bother you no longer do because you don’t need someone to reassure you.

Least of all a man.

This article only begins to scratch the surface of the ways incorporating Complement not Complicate into a relationship can be beneficial. The great part is there is a massive upside to incorporating even small amounts of this concept into your dealings with people. Even if you only do it part of the time, I can guarantee you will be absolutely amazed at the positive impact it will have on the way you are perceived. Once you learn to pick your battles and minimize negativity in areas you can’t control, your entire aura will change and people will gravitate towards you in ways you can’t even begin to imagine.

Trust me on this one.

While this article focuses on single women in the dating scene or in new relationships, the concept of Complement not Complicate is universally applicable. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a man or a woman, single or dating, married or divorced. Anytime we minimize negativity over things we can’t control, we substantially elevate the quality of our relationships across the board. For me, learning to roll my eyes and laugh at the absurdity of human behavior has always been cheaper than therapy and a hundred times more effective.

Won’t you join me……?

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